Paranoia is the Latest Trend
by Phantasmagor1a
Summary: They're all paranoid.


Man: Must. Secure. Gate. Seal. Entrances. Kill. Myself

_The man runs to one side of the stage and ties a yellow Crime Scene: Do Not Cross ribbon at the front corner of the stage. He bends underneath it and looks around worridly before rushing to the other end and tying the other end of the ribbon to the other side. A woman steps out of the stage unwrapping the plastic cover of a magazine. The woman has brown hair that goes on forever._

Woman: Must. Read. Vogue. Latest. Trend. I. Need.

Man: Not. To. Be.

Woman: More. Shoes. More.

Man: Killed.

Woman: Trend. Setter.

Man: First. Not. Second.

Woman: Other. Iminatate.

Man: Used. Abused.

Woman: Bad. Fashion.

Man and Woman: Not an option.

_Pause. The man and women stare at each other. The man pulls a gun out from the inside of his shirt. He points it at her._

Man: Who the hell are you? What do you want?

Woman: Groupies.

_The woman throws the man her hair. He puts the gun back into his shirt, picks her hair up, and starts braiding it into a rope braid._

Woman: Used. Abused. I want to be used so bad. And you?

Man: I don't want to be abused. Never.

_The man finishes braiding her hair into a rope as the woman flips through the magazine. He brings her braided hair up to the ceiling and threads it through a hook. He ties a hangman's knot with it. He pushes a stool underneath the hangman's knot. The woman stands up and gives him her hand, helping him up onto the stool. The man puts his head through the knot and tightens it at the back._

Woman: No.

Man: Yes.

_The woman kicks the stool away. The stage lights go off as the man struggles, then the lights red as he finally goes still. The woman checks for his pulse, then puts her hand on his forehead to see if he's really dead._

_[On stage, the actress covers him with blood while pretending to check if he's still alive.]_

_The woman takes her magazine and stuffs it into the mans shirt. She wipes some of the blood off his face and body and uses it to colour her hair that stretches from the man's neck to her head. She also uses it to colour her lips red. Paparazzi fill the stage, tearing the Crime Scene: Do Not Cross ribbon so as to kneel down in front of her and take her pictures. She notices them and poses._

Woman: I'm a star!

_They flash their cameras as she poses. A reporter holding a laptop and reading from its screen pushes through the crowd to get close to the woman._

Female reporter: Madame? What made you come up with this new fashion statement that people all over the world are now imitating?

_Pause. The photographers stop taking pictures_

Woman: God.

_Pause. The woman smiles. The crowd nod their heads and agree, starting to take pictures again. Another reporter pushes to the front. He's holding a notepad and a pen. He's wearing huge glasses._

Male reporter: Madame? Who is this man?

_Pause. The cameras stop flashing._

Woman: My latest trend.

Male reporter: Brilliant.

_The woman smiles and the cameras begin flashing again. The stage lights dim until the become dark red and the cameras are the only real source of light. The last light shines the brightest and longest. It illuminates the entire stage for 3 seconds just as the hanged Man takes the gun out from inside his shirt and fires the gun at the woman's head. The woman stands still, dead._

Man: Used. Abused.

_Man falls back dead._

Man: Never. Alive. Or dead.

_The woman falls down, dead. The stage lights go off. A spotlight shines on a man. He has the word "Cuckoo" written on his black shirt, a camera around his neck, and feathers in his hair. An old man walks onstage and presents him with a trophy._

Old man: You've been awarded this for your exceptional usage of other people. This photograph is magnificent.

_The stage lights go on. The scene of the woman lying on the floor dead and the hanged man now has a frame around it._

Photographer: Why thank you.

_The camera on the photographer's neck starts bleeding. The old man doesn't notice and starts addressing the audience. _

Old man: Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to celebrate the contributions two people have made against their will to the world though the eye, and camera of one man.

_As he talks, the photographer brings the bleeding camera up to his eye and clicks it. It flashes and he falls back, dead. The old man finishes talking and brings his hand up to check a earpiece at his ear._

Old man: Excuse me. Apparently, someone has just died. And worse, his career's over.

_The old man walks off stage. The woman speaks._

Woman: You didn't get my good side.

Man: And how fucking dare you make use of me.

_Pause. The stage lights flash once and go off._


End file.
